An update

So these are just my last 4 weeks of blogs from a different site (aka myspace =))

Sunday, March 16, 2008
Wow week 4 update! Times going by fast but some days are slow. I should be seeing him on Thursday! I’m hoping to be able to go to the airport and jump into his arms but it depends when he comes in and if I’m working. I would try to take off but I’m going to Europe soon and I’m going to have my credit card bill to pay off. I can go see him after work anyway and before work. I’ll be able to take mentorship off cause I’m almost up todate on my hours! which is awesome. I just miss that safe feeling I have with him. Knowing he’s watching over me and taking care of me =)I’ve had a normal week. I’ve been a little emotional but actaully not too bad i think. I kow it’s gonig to get worse soon but I’m doing ok right now.Camp was awesome but omg am I tired!!! My voice hurts too from yelling across camp. I really wish i would of applied for the 4-H staff job, but oh well. I’ll make more working at my current job. But I would also be living at camp and away from home at the camp job. Oh well the money is more important since I’m getting married. Plus I love my kids at work and I plan to go to college for early childhood development. I feel like I’m just waiting for time to pass. Waiting to see austen, waiting to go to europe waiting to graduate, waiting to work full time, waiting to go to camp, waiting to see austen for those two weeks, waiting to get married, just waiting for everything. I’m sure it will get better sooner or later, but I would rather it be soon. I guess my week could of been worse, but it was actually really good.

Sunday, March 09, 2008
So I have my ups and downs. Some day I barely cry, only when we have to get off the phone. Other times I'm a wreck. The weekdays are the best. I stay so busy and thats great. I try to do stuff on the weekends. But I can't fill them in like I can my weekdays. I try hard to just not think about him. I'm scared beyond anythign though. I'm worried that he'll come back changed and not love me anymore. I am worried he'll get hurt. I'm scared something ten times worse will happen. I can't even bring myself to say it. So many tings could go wrong. I don't want him to change. I love how he is now. I love everythign about him. Even other times that annoys me. I've learned to live with it. I'm just scared. I want him home and safe. I don't want to have to worry about him like this. I just want to be able to call him... Next weekend I have camp. Which will be great! I love clover buds. I'm so excited about going. This will be my 6th time. I've gone the most out of any other councilor on the North East District :) Only bad part is I'm not going to be able to talk to austen. It's three weeks till my Europe trip!!!! Thats going to be great but horrible. It's going to be a whole week of no phone calls from Austen. But I'll be seeing the world with a long ass plane ride!!Peace out ya'll. I'm excited about my new super smash bros brawl game! :):):)

Saturday, March 01, 2008
it's getting harder. We are talking even less now because his cell is broken. I come home from work almost every day and just go upstairs and cry. I'm pathtic... I don't have him to talk to anymore. I'm not doing well. I'm just going through the motions. And he hasn't even left the states yet! He's still in training and I'm an emotional wreck. My parents don't understand and pretty much expect me to always be smiling. Which is pretty hard when all you want is them to leave you alone. I just want to be able to call him when i want. But the AF had to take him away and on top of that he doesn't even get to do his job while he's over there!! Friday was a good day though. I went to the circus which was great fun! And then had dinner with the family. And then Caitie called and I went to the mall ad got my belly button pierced :) though inbetween those times i did cry. I have my good days and bad days. My moods are always changing and i hate this.

Sunday, February 24, 2008
So it's been pretty much a week since he left. And I'm lucky cause I have been able to talk to him everyday. Somedays it might noy be for two minutes but I still get to hear his wonderful voice. Just about everyday i cry a little. Somedays more then others. I'm not as back as a thought i would be. I know it's only going to get worse in a little less then a month. I can only hold on to what i have right now and try to make the most of it. I treasure every moment he's able to call me or text me. I send him pictures everyday and he does the same when he's able to.Something that we didn't expect to come out of this is both of us are falling more in love with each other. I pray that it lasts and that going over to the war doesn't effect him too much. I will always love him though and never give up. As for me I've been getting anoyed a lot more then i usually do. The slighest things are pissing me off. I think that is just because I don't have austen to talk to anymore like a use to. I use to tell im everything that was going on when it was going on and stuff. Now I'm very limited to the time i get to tell him things. I'm waiting on a call from him today. I hope i get one. We got to talk for over an hour yesterday and that was so great!!